I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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