hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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