i was born a porn star she said
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
