my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You dont lie about slip and slides
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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