So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
