im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
