and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
