Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
