We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
