I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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