You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
