Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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