she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
