On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I party with great urgency now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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