First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
