I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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