a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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