Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
