Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
