it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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