How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
