I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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