I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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