so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
