I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
