1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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