now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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