you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
