I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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