I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
