I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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