Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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