she woke up with a sticky ear
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
