I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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