You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
