She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
