Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
