so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
