we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
