Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
