Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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