I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
