every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
honey bunches of taint.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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