Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
