What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
