So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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