Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
