just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
