I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize