he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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