i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
