no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
