well I can't set my house on fire every night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
