I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
