It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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