i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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