you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
