Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
