he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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